WASHINGTON — We’re just a few weeks away from Christmas. The decorations are up, and folks are bustling around trying to find last-minute gifts. It’s the season of giving, the most wonderful time of the year. Knowing this, you would think that lawmakers up on the Hill would easily come to a consensus on an economic relief package, right? Wrong…wrong. They can’t reach an agreement.
Congress has seemingly done their part, devising a bipartisan $908 billion bundle of relief, but the Grinch that stole Kentucky is holding things up, refusing to endorse the plan. Without it, 12 million people are facing the thought of empty stockings come Christmas morning.
It’s getting serious, time is passing, and the options are running out. Left with few choices, we the people are going to have to take it to a higher authority. I’m talking about the OG, the Original Gangster of Giving. We going to Santa.
I took it upon myself to write the note.
Dear Santa,
I hope this letter finds you, the Missus, all the elves, and your reindeer well. I'm assuming you're all COVID free. Dr Fauci said you're immune and the rest are in year-round quarantine.
It’s been a tough year for many of us down south, though. We’ve been dealing with this pandemic and government officials who can’t seem to put people ahead of politics. I know you’ve been getting a lot of requests for PS5s and these new AirPod headphones (Put me down for one of each please, I’ve been good) but could you do a little extra sumthin sumthin for the all parents who found themselves having to step into assistant teaching duties this year? They deserve something nice. Maybe you can hook them all up with a month of spa days when the Rona is finally handled?
Speaking of handled, thanks for the vaccines! Not sure if that was you, but if so, it’s appreciated.
Front-line workers everywhere are going to need a little extra sumthin too. The essential folks. The working people; health care, grocery store, first responders, transportation. They’ve been busting their humps, and they deserve more than just our thanks. How about federally mandated job-related protections? That will fit nicely under a tree.
Finally, how much coal do you have for our leaders who can’t put their petty aside and get aid to the American people? Are you going to need an extra sized sleigh? I hope Rudolph and the crew don't have to strain too much. Wouldn't want them pulling those flight muscles
Anyway, thanks so much, Santa.
Reese.
PS. The cookies are waiting and be sure to wear your PPE. You might be immune, but you don't want to spread anything