When Tara Grant first joined the U.S. Army years ago, she was excited for her new life and international travel.
What she didn’t know was that her decision would impact every aspect of her life profoundly, and drastically change her course.
"It was amazing, traveling around from Germany to Korea," she said of the early years.
She met the man who would become the father of her child, and had a son, Antoine.
"Then, I went to Iraq," she said.
Tara was deployed to Iraq during Antoine’s junior year of high school.
"That was a tough time period, because for one, he was so afraid because we were under attack almost every day," she said. "Sometimes, I had to get off the phone very quickly because something was going on in the background."
He was right to be concerned. In 2018, data showed nearly 5,000 U.S. service members had died fighting in the Iraq War.
"It's always that very nerve-wrecking thing, that you don’t know what’s going to happen," Antoine explained. "Bombs going off in the background, so in that regard, it's always scary."
He would speak to his mom as often as he could on the phone, but it wore on him.
"He was going through so much stuff, and I could just tell, he seemed like he was becoming a little depressed or something. I felt like I abandoned him," Tara said. "I can't imagine what my child was going through, thinking thoughts in his mind, you know, 'What if I lose my mom?' And then, I'd be thinking thoughts in my head in Iraq, 'What if I don't make it home?'"
When she finally made it home for good in 2007, she didn't realize that would be the beginning of her second battle – this time, with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
"When I would drop something in the kitchen, she'd be really panicky, like 'Oh, what's that noise?' And be almost ready to tackle me to find out what’s going on," Antoine said. "It took me awhile to actually grasp what was going on -- battling with PTSD."
As the two gathered to make one of their family’s traditional recipes - grilled lamb chops and crab grits – they talked about Tara’s experiences for the first time.
"I was battling with trying to release, because I was so on alert," she said. "I didn't know that he knew. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to come and take care of me."
She said the biggest obstacle soldiers face is getting their families to understand what they went through on the front.
She described alerts going off to tell service members to take cover as rockets came flying in.
"They had these concrete blocks, and any time something would go off, you'd grab your gear and you’d go run under that," she explained. She paused and stared at the table. "When you hear these rounds ... just falling around you."
"It’s kind of scary, hearing things like that," Antoine said. "Like hearing you get all your stuff and go in there, like hop in a hole and make sure everyone is fine."
"And then some people don't make it home," Tara responded sadly, lost in thought, before repeating to no one in particular: "Some people don’t make it home."
She said there is no way to return home and be "totally 100 percent normal after that" but she is grateful for all her experiences.
"It made us who we are today," she explained. "I’m glad I chose that path, because if I didn't join the military and didn’t go to Germany, I would have never met his dad and had him."
So she wouldn’t change everything, despite being haunted by her experience.
"I don’t think that will ever leave me," she said. "But I’m ready to face it so we can move forward together. Whatever help he needs, and if I need to get more help, we can do it together as a family."
If your family needs help regarding PTSD, go to PTSD.va.gov.
RECIPE: Grant Family Grilled Lamb Chops and Crab Grits
1. Marinate lamb chops overnight in olive oil, seasoning, garlic, Yoshida Marinade sauce
2. Grill until medium-well
3. Sauté crab meat in butter, Old-Bay, and garlic.
4. Bring 2 cups of water (or stock) to a boil. Add 2 tsp. salt, pepper and garlic.
5. Add grits to boiling water, constantly stirring.
6. Add crab meat and 1/3 cup of cheese and reduce heat for remainder of grits cook time.
7. Marinate asparagus overnight in olive oil, seasoning, garlic, Yoshida Marinade sauce. Saute for 3-4 minutes, or until bright green. Remove from heat immediately.