Cuddle Parties Bring Good Vibes

(THE TENNESSEAN) -- As a hospice nurse and massage therapist, Linda Hunt spends most of her time touching and nurturing other people. So, it's appealing to her to be on the receiving end for a change.

That's where Cuddle Parties come in. For the uninitiated, these are basically pajama parties where you cuddle with strangers in a non-sexual way.

"It was just really interesting to me that people were engaging in healthy non-sexual touch," said Hunt, who has attended three Cuddle Parties in Murfreesboro. "I thought, 'That's what the world needs.' "

Cuddle Parties showed up on the scene about five years ago and have been growing in popularity across the country, but they're just now popping up locally. Advocates say the parties are a safe way to make friends and feel nurtured. But others warn that the events could be a magnet for sexual deviants and to stay away.

Rules for cuddling

Cuddle Parties aren't just big mosh pits of affectionate people; there are rules of etiquette and there's also someone there to enforce those rules: a Cuddle Party facilitator.

A Cuddle Party typically works like this: People pay $10 (to cover the price of snacks) and bring their jammies, which they change into in a private room. There's a "welcoming circle" where people introduce themselves and talk about why they've come, and a facilitator goes over the Cuddle Party rules, such as keeping your pajamas on at all times and always asking permission before touching anyone, among other things.

Then, there are two hours of freestyle cuddling and the evening ends with a group "puppy pile," where people pile on top of each other and hug.

"It leaves you high as a kite," said Anna Grupke, a Cuddle Party facilitator in Murfreesboro and the only person in Tennessee who has gone through official training, according to www.cuddleparty.com. Grupke has thrown four Cuddle Parties at her home since May and plans another in November.

Construction workers, doctors, mothers, people from all walks of life go to Cuddle Parties, Grupke said. But, not everyone goes to a Cuddle Party to cuddle. In fact, Grupke said, some people go just to practice saying no.

"It's a good place to learn to say no if you don't want something and to learn to say yes if you do want something," Grupke said. "Maybe you learn you are a giver and you have a hard time asking for things."

In addition to cuddling, people spoon, hold hands, or give back or foot massages.

"It's very easy for me to give. Receiving is one of the things that the Cuddle Party has helped me work on," said Hunt, of Lascassas. "It offers self-care. It's a way to look after you and your needs."

'Weird' or even dangerous?

But Cuddle Parties aren't for everybody. Mike Rees, of Nashville, thinks they're just plain weird.

"The strangest part for me would be showing up to one of these parties and seeing grown men and women in pajamas with their stuffed animals and juice boxes pretending like they are in kindergarten again during nap time," Rees said. "Seems like a great way to spread swine flu and meet people who were kicked off of eHarmony.com."

Ralph Childs, a Nashville licensed professional counselor, isn't a fan either. His advice: Don't cuddle with strangers.

Childs fears the parties could be an open invitation to sexual predators. While the atmosphere at Cuddle Parties has been described as innocent and non-sexual, Childs warns that you can't read people's minds.

The therapist says he's not anti-cuddling, but he thinks it should be done with people you know and trust, not with strangers.

"I would never send a client of mine to one of these parties," he said.

Those who attend Cuddle Parties say they feel safe: There's a room full of people, you always have to ask permission to touch someone else, and a Cuddle Party "lifeguard" is always on duty to keep a lookout or turn to if you feel like you've been touched inappropriately.

"Nothing is going to happen that you don't want to happen," Grupke said. "People think it's a sexual thing. It's not."

Everyone needs a hug

Hunt says our culture has sexualized all touch. She said we get lots of hugs as children, but around puberty, those cuddles stop.

"At Cuddle Parties, you learn that there is a touch that is nurturing and supporting," she said. "All people are innately cuddleholics. We need touch."

While some don't feel hugged enough, Childs said Americans typically feel uncomfortable when their space is invaded, more so than people from most other cultures. He said studies show that Americans tend to keep about 3 feet between themselves and a stranger, compared to about 2 feet for Europeans.

"We have invisible boundaries around us," he said. "Part of it is our puritanical upbringing. Part of it is respect. It makes people nervous when people get in their space."

Because non-sexual touch raises eyebrows among some, cuddlers don't gossip about who attends. What happens at a Cuddle Party stays at a Cuddle Party.

"Mr. Businessman may not want people to know that he's a cuddle monster on the weekends," Grupke said.

And what happens after the Cuddle Party? Sometimes people exchange phone numbers or go out to dinner, and sometimes not -- but they always hug goodbye.