TWO WORDS

A couple of days ago I talked about how all of this began, with four words.

"You have to come."

It ended yesterday with two words.

"She's gone."

My sister Patty called with the news. My mother Mary Jo Walter passed away yesterday. I started writing about what's going on in my life for a couple of reasons. In a weird way it's therapeutic. The other reason is because I know a lot of friends and relatives read my blog. It has been my way of keeping them informed on what's happening in Southern California. I've been hearing from them. I thought I'd share a few of their emails.

Hi Mike,

I've been reading your blogs, (as I do regularly!) and am saddened to hear of your dear mother's health failing. I understand what you must be feeling and what you must be going through.

There was actually a time when Larry (my older brother) lived with me and Tim, and sometimes your Mom would call to talk to Larry. I would talk to her for a few minutes as she always wanted to hear from me how Lar was "really doing" as she figured he'd never tell her much if anything was wrong. She was always really sweet and yes, feisty! And then I finally got to meet her at your family home when Tim and I went to L.A. for Fritz's wedding. I remember we had so much fun meeting your entire family. Your Mom was at her feisty-est that day! So, reading your blog about her calling you a smart aleck and telling you that TV was the stupidest invention during her lifetime made me laugh! I think it is her way of making you try harder, that your best work is yet to come, and she knows it! She was letting you know how much she believes in you, how she knows you can achieve even more because she knows you have it in you! She is a remarkable woman, and I remember how much Larry loved her in his own way.

My Mom passed away in 2001 and I have to tell you, there has not been one single day that goes by where I am not thinking of her, remembering her. So it is true what people say, even though one has left this Earth, they still live within us. . Your family is a very special family, and your Mom is an incredible lady for having raised 8 amazing children on her own after the early death of your Dad. She is in my prayers and in my heart.

Here is another.

I'm so sorry, Mike. I lost my mom nearly a decade ago, and it remains one of the most painful -- and beautiful -- experiences of my life. I can only offer, as you've blogged, "feeble words of comfort." Friends can empathize, but this is one that we all really have to walk on our own, even within our families. I say that as one of nine kids (and I now know that you come from a brood of eight). A day doesn't pass when I don't somehow bump into my mom, and that is the beautiful part. Real love lives on. I'm glad you had the chance to spend time with her, Mike.

There are many more. But I've only got so much space. My mom did say Television was the worst invention of her lifetime. This is where I have to disagree with mom. It's put food on the table for me, and given me quite a few thrills along the way. But I think she makes a point. I often say we don't control technology, it controls us. In many ways we have too many tools. The Internet, the cell phone, it goes on and on. So the leader of France is looking at his blackberry instead of paying attention to the Pontiff. Instead of talking to each other we text, or email. Sometimes we ignore our kids, because we are wrapped up in a television show. It has produced a less personal world.

But by sharing my story this week I've learned that technology can be a blessing too. It can also bring us together. I've heard from so many of you. Many of you only know me as the guy who talks to you each morning as you eat your cereal, or race to the shower in your boxers. You've shared your own stories of loss. Your own words of encouragement. It's meant a lot to me! I'm off to Los Angeles tomorrow, buoyed by all of you.

By the way for those of you who read this every day I have an update on Barrett. He was the first to call yesterday. His mother passed away on Sunday. As he pointed out to me last week.

"It's a lonely boat we are in, but at least we're in it together."

We are indeed.

Boys in the Back

As most of you know I'm dealing with a flood of memories. Looking back on my life, and thinking about the past, as my mom continues to cling to life. Just the other day I started thinking about my first day in the 9Th grade. I had moved from a Catholic school to a public school. I entered Mr. Creed's classroom and he directed me to the back of the class.

I took my seat next to this little Jewish kid with kinky hair. The key thing in the 9Th grade is to be cool. You can't be cool if you are friends with someone who is not. I thought Barrett Weiser was goofy. So I had no intention of befriending him. He made gestures of friendship and I swatted them away. It was friendship volleyball. He'd spike one, I'd block it with gusto. Not only that, I joined the others in class in picking on Barrett. It's not something I'm proud of. I continued to ignore him or be mean to him throughout my time at Verdugo Hills high school.

http://www.verdugohs.org/

Years passed, and I bounced all across the country. I never gave Barrett a second thought. I also lost contact with just about everyone I knew in High School. Then one day the phone rang at work. It was Colleen Brousseau. Her parents and my mom were close friends. When I was a kid,. my mom would go to dinner at their home. My sister Patty and I would go along too. So that's how I became friends with Colleen. The phone call came out of the blue. It happeneed shortly after the 9-11 attack on the Pentagon. That's when Colleen learned I was living here in the area. The conversation went something like this.

Colleen: "Mike, hey it's a voice from the past. My sister Margo got your number from Patty. I couldn't believe that you live here. I'm living in Arlington. Remember Barrett Weiser?"

Mike: "Of course, you and I used to torment him at Verdugo Hills High. I wonder what ever happened to him."

Colleen: "You are not going to believe this, but I'm married to him."

I was surprised. We continued to talk. At the end of the conversation I invited them to our house for dinner.

Colleen: "You've got to be kidding me! That will never happen. Barrett still hates you!"

I persuaded her to persuade him. The dinner went well. I certainly didn't feel good about the way I had treated him all those years before. This was a small way to make up for it. Barrett shook my hand as he was leaving.

Barrett: "Colleen had to talk me into this. We had a nice night, thanks for inviting us."

We've gotten together periodically ever since. While I was in the hospital last week in Los Angeles visiting my mom, I would turn off my phone. I'd turn it back on as I left. One day I turned it on, and noticed I had a voicemail. I hit the button and listened. It was Barrett, it just so happened he was in L.A.. He had heard what happened to my mom. He wanted to help, and he wanted me to know that Colleen's dad wanted to help too.

I called Barrett back. He had words of comf0rt.

Barrett: "Mike, Lou and I are coming to the hospital to see you and your mom. You have to know that we are coming as friends nothing more."

They did. Lou made the sign of the cross and said a small prayer with a pained expression on his face. I went downstairs with Barrett and Lou. I made arrangements to see Lou the next day. I met with him along with my brother in law Jim, and my son Trevor. You see Lou is a Funeral Director. He handled my father's funeral back in 1968. He said it would be an honor to handle my mother's funeral.

The next day I had another voicemail from Barrett.

Barrett: "Mike you are not going to believe this! My mother just suffered a stroke. I am filling out the DNR (Do not Resuscitate) right now."

Now it was my turn to call and offer feeble words of comfort. Barrett laughed.

Barrett: "I liked it better when the only thing we had in common was that we went to high school together. I'm filling out hospice forms right now. I'm holding my moms hand and singing to her too."

It's amazing, so many years have passed. Who could have imagined decades spinning by and the Boys in the back of the Class are together again.

Barrett: "It's a lonely boat we are in, but at least we're in it together."

Waiting for the phone to ring

I didn't sleep well last night. I keep waiting for that phone call that I know is coming. Saturday I jumped on a flight from LAX to Washington. It was my ninth day in Los Angeles. Most of the time was spent walking the corridors of hospitals. On Thursday my brother in law Jim, and my son Trevor, were with me as we made funeral arrangements for my mom. Later that same day my sisters and brothers and I decided on the best hospice site for my mom. I felt like I had done all that I could and it was time to come home. Now we all wait for the inevitable.

It all started with four words.

"You have to come."

My sister Mary Jo said those words. I knew at some point I would hear them. I felt like I was prepared. But of course I wasn't. It didn't take long to find a flight, and I was in the air just before nine pm east coast time on March 13Th. I landed in Los Angeles around midnight. I had been up more than 24 hours by the time I finally got to the hospital to visit my mother. Her heart rate was all over the place. She didn't look good. On Friday she was surrounded by her kids as the E.R. doctor examined her.

His hands squeezed here and there. He asked.

"Does this hurt?"

My mother winced, and bellowed.

"Of course it hurts! Why do you think I'm here? What kind of jackass doctor are you?"

We all laughed. After the exam my brother and I agreed she was getting better. She was as feisty as ever. He made plans to fly out to Hawaii for a business meeting. I made a reservation to return to Washington. My convictions were cemented later when my mother referred to me as a smart aleck. She also looked up at me at one point and declared. "I don't think you are going to like this, and I don't care what you think, but television was the worst invention ever created in my lifetime."

Oh yes, my mom still had a lot of fight and spirit left. But things changed quickly. I never got on that flight. Her condition deteriorated. Last night my sister Patty gave me the latest update. Her pulminary functions and kidney functions are starting to go. She's going, and I'm already gone.

On Saturday morning I leaned down, and kissed her forehead and whispered.

"I love you mom. I have to go back home to Washington. You have a journey you have to take as well. We'll miss you, but one day we'll all be together again. Goodbye."

I know in my heart that her pain is gone, and soon my mom will be reunited with my dad. We'll all gather for her funeral, and we'll celebrate a wonderful woman and a wonderful life.

CITY OF ANGELS

I'm in the city of Angels. It's the place where I grew up. This is the first time I can say I've actually met angels in this city though. They have names like Tanisha, Cherry, and Pam. They have been caring for my mother who is dying. They care for her as though she was their own mom. We couldn't ask for better care.

Mary Jo Walter is the woman who wiped my nose when it was running. Who dabbed my knees when I skinned them She's the woman who had just the right words of advice at just the right time. She's been there through thick and thin. Soon she won't be here. The void and the pain will be indescribable.

It hasn't been easy being here. I have five sisters and two brothers. We bolster one another. We all have our moments, but then one will pick the other up. A hug, a rub of the shoulder, a sign that we're here to do what mom did so well. She won't leave the hospital she's in. She knows it, I know it, we all know it. She has eight children, a ton of grandchildren, and great grandchildren. On Sunday we all gathered and my mom was performing. Telling stories, making us all laugh, before she started to doze off. At one point she looked out at the crowded room and said, "Look what I have created."

My mom has created something special. She's created so many lives, and touched so many lives. Today we were at the hospital again. Next door is the persistent patient. Her name is Elma. She drives the nurses nuts. She's constantly hitting the buzzer, and shouting "Nurse! Nurse! Nurse!"

Today one of the nurses came in with a boom box to try to keep her occupied. She said "Elma you ready to dance!"
She turned on the music, it was the Average White Band. At a moment when our family was gathered around my mom, the music had a special irony. It was my son Trevor who recognized it. "Why are they playing this music!"

He said it as the chorus blared out, "Play that funky music till you die, till you die!"

I hadn't thought about the music until that time. It bothered me. I sensed the irony. As my family gathered around the most dominant figure in our lives. Here was a song playing next door, "till you die, till you die!"

But just then the music changed the music seemed to fit the times just right. We were all standing or sitting gazing at my mom as Frankie Valli sang, "You're just too good to be true, I can't take my eyes off of you." That's it mom, you are just too good to be true!

You're Done

Politicians have over sized egos. In fact sometimes they are downright delusional. New York Governor Eliot Spitzer would appear to fall into that category. How does he think he can survive this sex scandal?

I remember years ago my old boss Brian Bracco used to bound down the stairs into our newsroom and say to me with a broad smile, "He's done, he can't survive this." He was referring to then Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton. It seemed like Clinton was facing the drip, drip, drip that adds up to water boarding in politics. Stories ranged from allegations of draft dodging, womanizing, and marijuana smoking. Brian liked to talk to me about politics and Clinton, because he knew I had covered him years before when he was the Attorney General in Arkansas. I used to say don't be so sure. I would never say that about Spitzer.

This time it's different. New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has a big problem going for him. Americans are willing to forgive, although they never forget. You can put together a list of folks who've been able to survive sex scandals. Don't believe me, ask actor Hugh Grant. Remeber Senators David Vitter, and Larry Craig, or how about sportscaster Marv Albert. Why do some survive and others do not? That's hard to say. But think I know with certainty, Americans have problems with sanctimonious pompous blowhards. One guy on Wall Street summed it up this way, "He's holier than thou, and he got what he deserved!"

We stopped into one of our favorite spots last night. At Fat Tuesdays it was all anyone was talking about. As one guy said to me, "It's always the guys who preach to us that seem to fall from grace." He cited Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker. Bottom line in America, if you preach they'll pounce. Someone close to Spitzer will have to pull him aside today and say "You're done!"

Because as my old boss Brian Bracco used to say, "He's done, he can't survive this." This time around Brian would be right.

Bombing in Baghdad

More solemn news from Iraq where eight U.S. soldiers died in separate attacks. Monday became the deadliest day for U.S. troops in more than two months. It reminded me of just how risky it is to be in that section of the world even though fatalities have dropped in recent months along with the news coverage.

Just last week I was at American University as Sharon Schmickle leaned into the microphone and said, "You know you'll never find a headline that screams a plane landed safely. That's not what we do." It's really a new way of saying the old adage, "Dog bites man that's not news, man bites dog that is!" Sharon's point comes on the heels of complaints about the coverage in Iraq. It's something we hear a lot of these days. Now that things appear to be improving why has the coverage dropped off? The answer may not be as sinister as some might think. It's dangerous, and it costs a lot of money to cover a war. News organizations aren't going to spend that kind of cash if it's on a story that won't end up on the air or in the paper. Sharon has done a stint in Iraq and Afghanistan. She's on a panel along with reporter Darrin Mortenson. Also on hand is photojournalist Hayne Palmour. The pair have been to Iraq on four occasions. Hayne shows off his portfolio in a slide presentation. His work is amazing. It captures the pain, the tedium, the agony of war. It's also apparent by looking at the images just how dangerous their jobs are. Hayne talked to me afterwards about the harrowing aspect of his job. Let's just say it's plenty scary.

Moderator for this event at American University is Bill Gentile. Bill has also been to Afghanistan, and Iraq. Bill is a professor at AU. The event is sponsored by the Dart Society. http://www.dartcenter.org/dartsociety/index.html Since I'm on the board I'm here along with Kate. For those of you who haven't heard me talk about the Dart Society, here goes. It's a group of journalists who are trying to improve the coverage of violence and tragedy. This event provides a great give and take between the military and media. Which fits since this event is titled, "Media and the Military: An Uneasy Mix." Let's face it journalists and the troops they cover have different agendas on the battlefield. That can lead to tension. But it doesn't have to be that way. So bringing all of these key figures together for a dialogue is vitally important.

The other panelist is Colonel Dave Lapan. Lapan is the deputy director of the U.S. Marine Corps Public Affairs Headquarters at the Pentagon. He is here to offer the military perspective. He sees the benefit of embeds. As he puts it, the stories that he wants don't have to be pro military. What he wants is fair and accurate reporting. He thinks the embedding process is working. Why? Now reporters living with men and women in uniform begin to understand the complexities of war. They are able to provide more context in their reporting, their reporting is more nuanced.

The event is also a perfect opportunity to unveil "Reporting War", a booklet written by Schmickle. It's a how to book for foreign correspondents heading off to war. It emphasizes the importance of preparation before heading off to war. Those who prepare for their own trauma can stay in the field much longer. The irony is the military would never go off to war without preparing. Certainly you've heard of something called boot camp haven't you? Journalists do it all the time, without giving it a second thought. Now at least journalists have a manual to help them. All thanks to Sharon Schmickle and the Dart Society. Pictured at the right are me, Sharon, Darrin, Benita Fisher from American University and Deirdre Stoelzle Graves of the Dart Society.

The Ski Trip

Friday we set out on the ski trip to the Canaan Valley Ski Resort in West Virginia. http://www.canaanresort.com/

It didn't start well. we were within a few miles of the resort when we ran into problems.

We were driving in a snow storm when I hit the ice. The rule is when you start to spin out don't slam on the brakes. That might be the rule, but I'm here to tell you, it is not what you do. So naturally I hit the brakes, then let up, and started steering in the direction of the slide. Eventually I corrected, but suddenly we were pointed in the other direction. So I took off the other way.

Before we would hit our room, we would get stuck in the snow a couple of times. But the good people of West Virginia helped us get out of these jams. It made for a crazy night. But Saturday was terrific. I got a chance to meet Troy and Dave. They are top dogs at the Resort. They made us feel right at home.

Kate and I went off on a little cross country skiing jaunt. We also did some snow shoeing. It's great exercise. Then later in the day I went along with Trevor to do some downhill skiing. I don't mind telling you, it's not my forte. I end up kissing the snow more than actually skiing. But this resort is perfect for a guy like me. There bunny hills were manageable, and enjoyable. I had a blast.

Kate and Trevor both know how to bundle up. They had a terrific time, and so did I. But then again we didn't end up in frigid waters.

That was the highlight of course. If you've never seen it before you should make sure you get up there next year for this event, is the Pond Jump. It's part of the Wild Things weekend. This is a picture of Cody Cooper of Elkins West Virginia. He's bundled up in a towel after taking part in the Pond Jump. The jumpers try to make it from one side to the other, but they never do. They end up in the frigid waters. I asked Cody, "What was it like?" He shivered and responded, "It's cold!"

I figured the only people who would do something like the Pond Jump have to be crazy. My son told me, "Hey I'm definitely doing it next year!" I guess I'm wrong, only intelligent, brilliant people are willing to do this. We'll be back next year to watch as our son takes the plunge. We left on Sunday morning and there is no greater feeling then getting up and watching the sunrise over a beautiful setting like this one with a deer just feet away. That's pretty special.