MY TOP 10 LIST

I figured since 2007 is winding down it's a perfect time to reflect on the few things I'm certain of as the year comes to a close. Why? Because as years pass I become less certain about certainty.

I learned a lot about certainty when I started having kids years ago. I often tell people I was a much better parent before I had kids. I would watch friends with kids and say both of these with enormous confidence.

"If that was my kid they'd never get away with that."

"It's a good thing that kid doesn't have me as a dad, if they did I would do this."

I didn't realize at the time how tough parenting was. When it comes to jobs, it's the one thing that no one has ever done well. If you don't believe me ask anyone about their parents. Believe me they'll find something to criticize. You'll get an earful. George Washington was the father of our country, but if you asked his step children I'm sure they would have told you that he was a lousy dad.

Having said all of that, here are the 10 things I am certain of.

1. If your daughter gleefully agrees to let you drive her car to work you can be sure you're going to have to fill it up. Because it will be on or near E.

2. Politicians running for President will pledge to work with the other party, to reach across the aisle, to be bi-partisan. Don't believe them.

3. By the time I get to vote in the Virginia Primary in February we'll probably already know who will be the nominees. And like most Americans I won't like either of them.

4. The people who are the most arrogant often are the most ignorant

5. If my son gets a high tech gift for Christmas it will take him 6 minutes to figure it out. It will take me between six months and six years to figure it out.

6. If I go to a theater and am really anxious to see the film, there will be a couple behind me that will drive me crazy. One will explain to the other what's going on. They will talk through the entire movie. It won't matter if I repeatedly flash them the killer Mike Walter glare. They'll keep talking and they'll ruin the movie for me.

7. At the end of the movie one of them will ask the other, "What did you think?". They won't ask me the same question, because if they did I would say "I think you should shut up during movies!"

8. I will make a resolution in 2008 and I won't keep it.

9. I won't have enough time to do the things I really want to get done this year.

10. The most important thing I've learned with certainty is this: Never let people who don't have a sense of humor tell you what's funny.