Things I hate

I know yesterday I said I would talk about Gator today. Forget it, I'm talking about things I hate instead. And that is one of the things I hate. The big tease! Getting you to read or watch something because you've been teased to do it. I believe there is a rule about the big tease. It goes like this, you get sucked in, but there never a payoff! So let me begin:

THE BIG TEASE: I hate it, but I fell for it. It happened last week. Kate and I were hanging out with the TV on. I admit I'm on TV, but don't get to watch it much at night because I have to get to bed early. We were channel surfing when the big tease came on. The big tease isn't really the big tease unless it's accompanied by the voice of God.

Announcer: "Tonight (the big tease usually always starts with the word tonight) don't miss (don't miss is also an essential part of the big tease) the exclusive (it goes without saying this is also an important feature) interview as Paris Hilton sits down for her first interview since leaving jail with Larry King. This big tease just jumped out at me. To make matters worse as Paula Zahn prattled on there was a countdown clock at the bottom of the frame. It was counting down to the Paris Hilton interview. All of this worked. You begin to calculate as you look at the clock, do I have time to turn to something else and still get back in time for the Paris interview. Trust me I should know better. We stayed glued to the set, before and during the interview. After watching an hour of Paris I knew that she was claustrophobic, has a learning disability, just loves the bible, but when pressed couldn't remember her favorite passage from it. Bottom line after listening to her and King for an hour I clearly felt dumber then I did when we began watching.

BURIED UNDER E-MAIL: Admit it, you can't control it, it controls you. On our vacation I banned the laptop computer. Let's leave it behind I declared! Finally we broke under the pressure on Thursday of last week and we took a trip to the public library in Fort Walton Beach. It was time to check our e-mail accounts. There it was hundreds and hundreds of e-mails. I was buried under the stuff. At the public library you were given 30 minutes on the computer. So I keep looking up at the countdown, trying to trim through all the junk mail. First it's Paula Zahn with the clock, now it's the library computer. With 2 minutes left I figured I would never get through all this stuff. Mercifully, the computer flashes this message, "Would you like a 15 minute extension?" I readily accept. So I am tied to the computer for 40 minutes, and I still didn't get through all the e-mails. I relinquish the computer to let Kate get on. She has more than 300 new e-mails. She starts shredding through the mail and time runs out. It just demonstrated to me how much time we consume by reading and responding to e-mails. Kate tried to get her own 30 minute pass and was denied. So she got to tackle her account when we got back on Sunday.

EDICTS: I hate edicts. The latest edict in my life came from one of the meanest men you'll ever know. His name is Rick Garner. He's a 6 foot 6 bear of a man who carries a baseball bat around with him. He stomps around our newsroom shouting out thunderous edicts. His latest, "You must blog, blog, blog!!!" Some of the description I just gave you is an exaggeration. Okay pretty much all of it is an exaggeration. But he did come out with an edict that we must blog more. I really don't know much about the edict because I was so bogged down by e-mails that I inadvertently deleted his. So I can't vouch for what he wrote. I'm just going on what I'm hearing from Howard and Andrea this morning. Howard seems to think the edict is all Statter's fault. Andrea isn't sure we should be blogging so much, and sharing so much about our personal life. She maybe right, but now back to Statter. Dave is a good friend, but his blogging habits are unforgivable. Statter even blogs in his sleep. Here's a typical exchange from the Statter house during dinner.

Hillary: Dave can you pass me the mash potatoes.
Dave: I'm sorry sweat heart I'm just too busy blogging...I'll pass them to you later, when they are cold and you won't want them!
Hillary: But Dave dearest, don't you think you are going too far!
Dave: No, I plan to be the king of blogging!

He's blogging 24-7. It's always about fires. I mean really you haven't seen this many fires since Sherman's march to the sea. Dave is the model for the rest of us, and let's just say he's on fire. But I believe I'm up to the challenge. He can be the king of blogging, but I am going to be the King of bloggification!

PASSWORDS: I have too many e-mail accounts. There is my work one, and I have three personal e-mail accounts. Don't ask me why. So quite obviously I have four passwords. But I have other passwords too. There is one for my e-bay account, my pay pal account, my hotwire account, my airline frequent flier accounts, the list goes on and on. I've got passwords up the wazoo. I can't remember half of them, if not more. I am a walking password disaster man. I forgot the password to one of my e-mail accounts and now can't remember it for the life of me. I guess I'll just have to add a fifth e-mail account and hope that one day I'll remember the password to the fourth.

I'm writing all of this in hopes that: Tonight as the Independence day approaches we won't miss our exclusive chance to take a step back and see that we are slaves to some of this stuff and it's time to declare our independence and improve our lives!!

Hey wait a minute, I'm pretty sure that's the big tease...don't fall for it!