Thursday And Beyond

Earlier this week on the air we had highlights of Barry Bonds latest bomb. You see a couple of guys going for the ball, and of course the lucky guy lifts up the ball to show it off to the world.
So this prompted me to share a story about last Thursday on the air. I mentioned to Peggy that I went to the game last Thursday along with my lovely wife Kate and wonderful daughter Courtney. We joined Kim Martucci and her boyfriend Ben at RFK. Ben had four tickets to the Nats game, and they were kind enough to invite us along as their guests. I told Peggy and the viewers that out of the five of us, only one fan in our area caught a ball at the ballpark. And that someone was me!

I learned a long time ago the best way to tell a story. I thought this story was pretty good. Except that Kim had to come along and fill in the details. I did catch the ball, but it was after the outfielder for the Pirates was done warming up and he tossed it into the stands where we were sitting not too far away. I heard all the commotion, saw all the people jockeying for position and then looked up to see the ball going over all of their heads and easily landing in my right hand. It was either thrust your hand into the air and catch it, or watch the ball land right there on my hotdog. So Kim managed to fill in all these details which helped to diminish the impact of my story.

Thursday was a fun day at the ballpark, but Friday was when the real fun began. Kate and I flew down to Florida to go to a wedding of a close friend, Glen Abbott. The wedding was at St. Augustine. We were both looking forward to a weekend away. So what happens? We get on the plane, and about a minute into the flight, the beast child comes alive. This child, about 18 months, managed to cry and scream and throw tantrums almost the entire flight. The kid was brutal. In case you are keeping score at home, I counted at least one hundred No's!

Mom: “Honey please stop."
Beast Child: "No, no, no!!!"
Dad: "Come over with Daddy, I'll hold you."
Beast Child: "No, no, no, no, no, no!!!"

Throw in a couple of wahs, and you have the dialogue that went on for almost two hours. At one point, I decided I would save everyone on theflight from this excruciatingly difficult journey. I was going to make the beast child my friend. So I began playing hide and go seek and making all these crazy faces. The child responded, he began to smile and laugh. His parents turned around and looked at me and mouthed thank you. But the child didn't have much of an attention span and after about 5 to 10 minutes of peace and quiet, he immediately returned to his screaming self. Finally the flight was over and we could disembark.

The rest of the weekend was a lot of fun, then Sunday morning came & it was time for our return flight. We had to stop to refuel our car before dropping it off at the rental car agency. I began to fill up and noticed the gas price was $4.69 a gallon. Here it was the only gas station in sight and it was right next to all the rental car agencies. I remember the contract that I signed advising us to bring the car back with a full tank of gas or pay $5.69 gallon for the gas used. So here I was, getting robbed. I was certainthat the gas station was owned by a cooperative that included Avis, Hertz, and every other car rental agency within site. I filled up the car and we dropped it off and headed to the airport on the shuttle bus.

Before long we were on our flight heading back to Dulles. It was almost as if Central Casting was in charge of our flights. Now instead of a beast boy, it was the beast girl. A little girl bellowing, crying uncontrollably. Her mother, armed with a pacifier that she used as a weapon, constantly thrusting it into the child's mouth in an effort to silence her. The child turning the pacifier into a dart, spitting it out with precision. It would bounce off the chair in front. I braced myself for another miserable flight.

I had survived the first one. Clearly this won't be so bad. But it was, because now we had the second most annoying thing you can find on a flight. We had the armchair man. I have a rule about flights... sitting in the middle sucks, so if the guy there wants to take the bulk of the armchair - so be it. But the guy next to me did more than that. He decided that he also should get part of my chair. He kept thrusting his elbow into my air space. I couldn't even change the pages of my book half the time. I thought it couldn't and wouldn't get any worse. Boy was I wrong. When we landed I got up to get my luggage out of the overhead bin when the elbow man decided he was a defensemen on a hockey team. He jumped up and shoved me. Just so he could get to his piece of luggage. I lost my balance momentarily, but recovered. I did what most anyone would in this case, I shot him the glance. Normally this is all that's needed. But no, he didn't even notice.

By now the beast child was screaming again, and her older brother, who was about four, kept saying over and over, "I want to get off, I want to get off, I want to get off"! After hearing from his mother that he couldn't get off as there were other people in front of him. And after hearing the father say the same thing and after his grandfather said "Stick a sock in it" - my wife, the former school teacher, leaned forward and said in a firm voice, the voice of God, the voice of authority, "You have to wait." He looked up at her and stopped. I marveled at how effective she was. And then I thought if only she had started earlier.