WASHINGTON, D.C. (WUSA) - As we reported earlier, the problem of distracted driving is getting so bad, the federal government is trying to figure out ways to crack down on folks who insist they are one of the exceptional humans who can work a mobile phone and a car at the same time.
Such people are exceptional, but not in a good way.
I see it all the time. I come up behind someone on the road, car is weaving around erratically, or else they're going really slowly. You get a look at the driver. Sure enough, they're on the phone.
Having now made a scientific study of this, I've realized these distractable varmints can actually be broken down into several distinct species, or subtypes.
For example..there's the common all purpose blabberer. Just chatting away. Sure,this is completely illegal around here, but he's not worried the cops will get him. Oh no. Problem is, he might get you.
This is a subspecies of blabberer.: the crook neck side-winder. He thinks this is what they mean by hands free. By the way, the sidewinder also comes in the far more dangerous, double distracted version, which is also sadly far too common.
But none are as terrifying or dangerous as this beast, the oblivious texter. This creature does not have more than one set of eyes but it sure seems to think it does. And it's often too young to understand how quickly things can go wrong when take your eyes off the road at 40 miles per hour. Pity the driver who crosses its path.
Finally, this is our bluetooth jibber jabber. This one sure seems to be a bit safer, though researchers keep telling us not really. So should they all ,even this guy, become an endangered species?